This morning, I journaled about the good days. Those are the days where everything seems to be going right and you’re feeling more calm, centered, and grounded than ever before. Those are also the days where you feel connected to your passion, inspiration, and roots that you’ve planted all around. For me, those are the days where I feel who I am, and I say feel rather than know because I don’t yet have the words to explain to anyone who I am. Instead, I have feelings about who I am, and they are overwhelmingly powerful….but that’s a post for another time.
I’ve discovered that the good days are so good that they’re scary. Scary in the sense that we fear they will soon be absorbed into bad days. Those are the days where everything seems to crash in around you, and if you’ve ever battled depression like myself and countless people in this world in the middle of their own struggle, you know these bad days very well. You know that all it takes is a single negative thought that then single-handedly pulls you by the legs downward, ever so far deeper into more thoughts: what-if’s, how-come’s, why-me’s…..remember those? Yea. And before you know it, everything seems like quicksand, and the more you fight to get out, the harder it is to sustain, and before long, you have no choice but to let go and surrender that you’re just going to be here, in this pitfall of a life’s moment.
But I’ve also discovered something else. The bad days are not bad in and of themselves. They’re shitty because we don’t believe that we can remain true to ourselves when we’re faced with struggles. That sentence alone made all the difference for me this morning as I wrote it down. In the midst of chaos and uncertainty and loss, we fear that if we pull away from our centering and self-care and self-love that we’ve somehow immediately lost our way. And that’s simply not true. I’ve written countless posts on the beauty of breaking down and sitting in those pitfalls of life’s moments. I still stand by that because it’s where we learn about ourselves and our own overwhelming power. But when we stand to rise and when we lift ourselves up on those good days, the bad days seem almost insignificant. I actually wrote down the word ridiculous to describe it. When we realize our own power, our own potential and greatness, no matter how far we stray from who we are, we’re never severed from our source. I often place my hands on my belly when I need to be reminded of this. Back when I first started meditation (or got back to it…I’ve fallen off that wagon a bunch), I would hear guides ask me to visualize myself as the sky. Clear, blue, limitless sky. The clouds that would obstruct my view of that sky were my thoughts, on good days and bad. Those thoughts, just like the clouds, would pass and scatter, but the sky always remained. I can’t tell you how powerful it feels to have that visual at hand, especially for when those bad days loom overhead like tornadoes.
This is your center. This is mine, as well, and one I’ve come to love infinitely, because here’s the thing: there is entirely way too much of us to just disintegrate from hardship or pain. There is a solidity that lives within us that becomes our rock, our temple, our beacon of light and hope. Let that bitch shine bright!