This is Me, Too

Teachers, gurus tell me “This is how,”

You sit in stillness and let the head bow

And when it’s time, you listen deep

And let the heart that wish to speak


But all I feel is that same, old fear

The one that won’t let me fucking steer

And no matter how hard I try

Every wish and dream feel like a lie


I ask them, “How can you ever tell,

When it’s fear or something else?” but they just yell,

“Listen to your intuition, it’s your source,”

But I’m already miles away, off course


Dreams are scary when you don’t believe,

And even scarier when it feels impossible to feel

So you trim them down, now they’re more realistic

But you’re still at square one, no way to end this


And you spin in circles, you’re in it

Working day and night to be independent

And the grind feels like a prison sentence

But you only blame you, because you did this


Teachers, gurus tell me “You should trust,”

But in my mind, flowers turn to dust

And no matter what I do, I see

Only half of who I want to be


The truth is, every day is such a push

To wake, to act, to give myself a nudge

And I write about my life and travels

Like I’ve won, like any of it matters


Because I know what I have left

It’s this mental fight that feels like death

But I still can’t blame you or them,

Because it’s me, always has been the same


I hope you see that none of this is easy

That some days are numb, some nights queasy

And it’s not solace that I seek or need

But to show you that this, too, is what I feed


And among my joy and bliss

Are days where I put up with this

Not because I don’t know how to heal

But because this, too, I want to deeply feel


Teachers, gurus tell me, but I don’t listen

I don’t even bow my head, but I don’t want to miss this

I’m a person feeling laughter and pain

Because I still believe in sun after rain


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